I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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