My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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