Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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