i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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