Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
