Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
