update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
