She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
