He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
