Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
