By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
