Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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