there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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