Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
