My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
