I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
