weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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