All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
