I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
