Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
