I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
