Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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