I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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