does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
