i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
