well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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