I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
