wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
