Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
