She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
