I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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