now i know why i became what i already was.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
