yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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