Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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