O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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