like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
