I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got her a Nickelback box set.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
