Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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