fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
