Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
