I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In other news, I just burned my penis
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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