If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
