We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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