I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
