my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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