Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
