haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
