ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
