I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
