I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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