i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
