we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
