remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize