So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
