If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
