Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
