I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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