This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
