You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
