i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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