If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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