Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
