you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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