Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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