I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize