that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
3pm strippers are depressing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I deserve this hangover.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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