I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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