I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
