Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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